A Year of Learning

Although I've always believed in life-long learning, this past year has pushed my learning on a personal level more than I could have ever imagined. This post will be more about me, because I cannot speak for Kevin. But I have a hunch Kev would agree with me in most cases.

What I've Learned This Year

Medical care is not a spectator sport.  It requires listening, questioning, note taking, researching, and decision making.  We so rarely saw a doctor in the past that we just did what they said, without a real understanding of what was happening or asking any questions.  Please don't think I am speaking negatively of doctors. I have the utmost respect.  But I now know, after Kevin dealt with multiple professionals, that it is our job to be informed and make sure all involved know the complete story.

I have a lot of work to do when it comes to my faith. Church and prayer have always been a part of my life. However, this past year I've witnessed the strong conviction and practices of many people and I want to be more like them.  It was a step for me to include a Bible verse in each blog post. Unlike some of you, I don't have passages committed to memory nor can I easily access them in the Bible.  Instead, I have to research.  Someone said to me many months ago, "I didn't know you were so religious."  I replied honestly, "I'm not, but I'm trying to be better."

When push comes to shove, I can do things I had never thought about.  For someone who ALWAYS knew that anything medical was "not my thing", who would have thought I would be giving shots twice a day or helping a hospice nurse put in a catheter. (Okay, let's be real.  "Helping" meant handing her items, attaching a syringe, and holding Kevin's hand. But at least I wasn't hiding in the other room).  What at first turned my stomach to jelly becomes easier over time.  Realistically, what I think is a "big deal" for me, some people are doing day in and day out. I just need to buck up.  

Time for a little tangent...it bothers Kevin and I when people say we are strong.  We just don't get it. We are going through life a day at a time.  Yes, life is hard right now, but we aren't doing anything extraordinary.  We are doing what anyone else would do...put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Our journey is more public than others because I write this blog, but please don't make us out to be any stronger than any one of you.

Work is work. Kevin and I have a strong work ethic. We rarely took days off or used our sick days.  I still value that trait but now realize there is more to life than work.  I'm trying to put family first.  Of course, I write "there is more to life than work" but I already know that in all likelihood I will be filling my life with work once I am alone. 

Live a little. Boy I have a long way to go on this one. I envy people who just go and do.  I worry about the logistics or the expense or the whatever. Thankfully, over the past year, people have helped us to go and do and make memories.  

You never know what people are going through. Okay, I  knew this on a surface level but never really felt it before.  People are getting up each day, putting a smile on their face, caring for their family, going to work and seemingly living a "normal" life.  But behind the scenes there may be so much more going on that none of us could even imagine.  What leaves me feeling guilty is that, through the years, friends, family, co-workers and neighbors have faced struggles and I did nothing to reach out because I really had no idea life could be so hard.  When you lead an easy life, it's hard to relate, but that shouldn't be an excuse. I should be compassionate enough to recognize hardship without having to live through it.

People are amazing. We still cannot wrap our head around how much people have done for us and continue to do for us.  Cards, letters, food, visits, kind words...it is incredible. On a regular basis we hear, "we pray for you every day." Every day. Wow. It is heartwarming for all of us to know Kevin has touched your life in a way that you want to reach out and help. Thank you.

Now that leaving the house is so difficult, we appreciate the visitors.  If you decide to stop by, please don't feel you need to bring anything.  We have plenty of food.  Your presence is enough.  

The things you have learned

and received and heard and seen in me, 

practice these things, 

and the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:9